Jun. 2nd, 2011

soleilfae: (feeling)
It's now the day after my last day with my class...

I slept in this morning without even hearing my alarm clock go off. That feels weird and hasn't happened since before I started this job.

Overall I feel so many things, it feels like memories and feelings are all getting smushed into one singular time and place so that really time makes no difference. Time has no meaning for brief moments. I remember and feel how it felt to see this date looming only a couple weeks ago. I remember and feel how it felt to first start that job.. how it felt to have certain conflicts and obstacles. It really doesn't help anything that it feels as if time has just been slipping through my fingers...

Now my kids are with someone else. They are doing school photos today and they are getting their class picture with someone who was only with them for two months before now. And I know for those in the school who knew her I was always taking her place... but in my shoes, it feels as if right now someone else is in my room, in my place, having lunch with my teacher friends, and teaching my kids. I feel so torn up about this.

I realize a couple of things... It was my first real assignment and it was a long one so of course I'm attached. These people and places are special to me now and, possibly foolishly, I would love to have a permanent position there. I also realize that it really wasn't an ideal situation and likely if I were to get a permanent position there people's personalities would become more pronounced towards me in some good and some more likely bad ways than I'm prepared for. And I could really do so much better job wise.. I was basically working a slave rate for NB.... I discovered recently that other people actually got contracts and benefits with their temp long-term positions and I only got a little extra pay and lots of very long days and nights.

I would do it over again without changing a thing. (ok, well I probably would have handled this one teacher differently but that's from another post)

I'm taking a day for my health and sanity mostly. I love those kids, but caring for kids, who a great number have a lot of issues, can be very stressful. I'm sure it's stressful even when they don't, but I think I would scare people I care about if I expressed some of the physical symptoms I would feel on a regular basis. Tomorrow I'll work a half day with kindergarteners.. Yay! I'm looking forward to that. Today I slept in some (weird!), and will put in some applications and drive around looking for rent signs to call. I already have one to call from walking around last night.

Busy lives in busy days filled with busy thoughts... I also plan to take a moment for myself and escape the busy, even if it's brief.


soleilfae: Woman of fire (Default)

July 2012

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