Aug. 18th, 2011

soleilfae: (huh)
Days are feeling like they are slipping by like water through my fingers. I blink and all of the sudden it's 7 at night and another day looms closer.

This depresses me. I know I'm thinking a lot about tomorrow. I'm thinking about whether I'll have a job for Sept. I'm thinking about seeing these two men I'm interested in. I'm thinking about the if's and maybe's of tomorrow and letting today fly away. This is a problem.

I know it's a problem, but at the same time I don't know what to do about it. I could get a plane ticket.. with having little money to depend on if a job doesn't pull through. I could drive to see the other, but he's crazy busy and always on the move. I could go hammer down the doors of the school district... but that could be viewed as terrifying.

I have been upping my game with the school and keeping in touch with the men as well as I can... Really it's not as much about actions as it is about mindset and I can't figure out how to get myself out of the rut of a mindset that I've fallen into. If I do or don't have a job come Sept I at least want to enjoy the free time I find myself with. Is that so hard... Always anticipating, not enjoying nearly enough.
soleilfae: (Girl on a trike)
I think the hospital job (namely the supervisor from hell who hates me) has figured out how to get me to quit.

Just wish I did it like in May when I thought of it. In May when I spent so much money and hassle to renew my CDL.

I think a good part of the reason I've held on to this job so long was to spite her cuz I know she'd love me to leave. So I don't mind leaving, I'd just prefer it not be because of her and that's what's happening. I can't give them an availability a month ahead of time (especially if I'm subbing) and I can't guarantee a set number of days a month.

So f'em.

Again... just irritated it wasn't on my terms.


soleilfae: Woman of fire (Default)

July 2012

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