soleilfae: Bright (Brighde)
[personal profile] soleilfae
I'm tired of feeling so alone when I have so much love in my life. So many people I care about are so spread apart and far away and the people that I love that are within arms distance are far away in other ways.

Is it crazy that I miss people whether they are upstairs or several states over?

Something is coming. Some change, some shift is on the horizon. It's like the Nothing in the Never Ending Story, clouds boiling up at the edge of seeing, but this is Something. Its coming, it will happen, but I have no idea what or what direction I'll be thrown (figuratively or literally). There are strong feelings rumbling within me, but there's this disconnect to the world that makes me feel like I can't see what direction its coming from, though this may not matter. In the past I would have been able to see it, but it always held a point of great denial for me so it rarely made much of difference. Now I'm open, scared as hell, but I can't see a direction.

Maybe this something will simply come from within... Maybe my whole world will change... Maybe there will only be a shift...

I just don't know and the intense feelings within me are driving me nuts.

What if I end up back in AL?! That's not in any way what I want or where I want to be at the moment. (I stopped making proclamations for long periods of time a few years back when I actually did end up living in NJ and liking it) What if I end up somewhere new? Why would this happen? What if the change simply came from within?

Something has already shifted within me, but articulation of such things has often been an either slow point or a failed point for me. I think, I feel, and words often lack the ability to express this in its full truth.

I know things will come when they need to come. I know that the Gods have a path and I will be nudged down it. In the end it'll be for good. I suppose I need more faith in these things. I'm used to getting a little more notice than this and it's making my life a little more frustrating.

I feel like crying, but it just won't come.
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soleilfae: Woman of fire (Default)

July 2012

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